I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
