i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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