Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
