I wanna bring you to show and tell
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize