Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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