girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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