i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
