yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
