Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
