I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
