Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
