He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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