I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
