booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Floor bacon is actually really good
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
