My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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