seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
