Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So squirting runs in the family.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
