OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
