can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
