Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
