IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
