you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
