I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
