yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
