Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
