I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just invented taco cereal.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
