You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
