Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
