You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
