I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
