If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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