Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
