did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
