i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
