Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
