One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
