that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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