It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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