omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
