I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
