She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
