Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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