the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
