I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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