He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
