I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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