No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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