This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
