She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
