I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
