Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
