She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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