If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
