And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
