Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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