Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
