Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the condom got lost in my hair
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
