I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
