we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? šš
You know itās going to be a rough day when you scream āGet fuckedā at your alarm clock
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