My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
