Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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