Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
