So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
