is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
