Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
