he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
