If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
