party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
