I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
