I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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